anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
