I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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