Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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