I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
