sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
