And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
