you would pick up someone in the library
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
