Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize