Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
