Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
