Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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