Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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