you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
