I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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