He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't shave. On purpose
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
