Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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