we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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