You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
