Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
