so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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