How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
