So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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