They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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