she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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