Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
