My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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