Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
