imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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