Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
