It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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