I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
