I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
