thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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