we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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