i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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