I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
