We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
barbara walters just said penis...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
