I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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