So drunk its hurt
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
