Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't deserve a penis
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
