Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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