The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
