During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
