are you still at the devil's house?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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