Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
