I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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