someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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