I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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