pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
porn star boner night. come get it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
