You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize