I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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