She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
