He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
