dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
