if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You're earring is so big in my mouth
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize