Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
