I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
