I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
