Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
