so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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