i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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