i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
