I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
