Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
